My kids are getting gluten, I am not sure where, but I know it's not from me. They do go visit my in-laws who swear that the kiddo's are gluten-free over at their houses, but I am not so sure. I think they are getting gluten, they come home cranky, and distended tummies, and their poop is weird.

I have ruled out every other possible place (like my mom's where she only feeds them what I bring) I know it's my inlaws.

I don't know how to approach them about this, my first inclination is to not let them visit anymore. I think it's unhealthy for them to be there if they are getting gluten. I don't think that solution is going to go over very well though.

any diplomatic advice? I don't want to be a bad daughter in law, but I would rather be a good mom any day.

Talk to them about the evidence. Let them know that you KNOW they don't want him to be sick, and you KNOW that they're doing the best they can, so you are JUST as stumped as they are. But since you have to deal with the aftermath of the glutening, you want to work with them to figure out where it's coming from. Assume (or at least make them believe that you are assuming) that they are trying to keep him gluten-free and that it's just a mistake.

Then work *with* them to review everything that he can come in contact with at their house - food, drinks, toys, toilettries (on him or on other people), etc. Particularly make sure they aren't letting him play with regular Playdoh! ;-)

I have dealt with this problem in the past too. Although, the issues were with my own parents, so I found it easier to talk to them about it. If it were my in-laws, I would have dh do it.....my MIL can be a beast!

I know it is hard to not hurt feelings, when they think they are doing all the right things. I have heard my own dad say "well surely, a crumb isn't going to hurt her". That's when I realized I had to be there for a while when the kids were visiting, until I truly felt confident they weren't going to contaminate my daughter. The main culprits in the beginning were the butter tub w/bread crumbs in it that they were using for her rice....seasonings for food, chips, or stuff that they just plain forgot to check out. If Emmie would come home sick, I would call my mom and just explain that I was trying to figure out where she got the gluten from. Then I would ask what she ate at their house, in detail, etc. I didn't come out and say that I knew she got glutened by them, even though I knew she did...I made it sound like it could have been from our house or theirs, I just needed to know. I always started out by explaining how SICK Emmie was, and they never seemed to take offense after that.

There was one time that I broke down crying in front of my mom after she gave Emmie a Ritz cracker...this was a week after Em had eaten a whole cookie (dh took the blame for that one!) at a cub scout meeting. I was just so flaming mad I couldn't keep it in anymore, and I broke down. After that little episode, my mom has stuck by me 100% and asks about absolutely everything. So hey, if you get desperate enough..you can have a break down like me.....then maybe they'll understand!

One way to find out for sure would to be keep your child away from the for a short time, if you child gets better, then at least you know for sure before you try to appoarch them on it.


Just a thought.

you are the mom, you are within your rights to DEMAND that they only feed your kids what you provide for them, IF the in-laws can't be bothered to learn all the in's and out's of this diet to keep the kiddo's safe.

At my mom's house, I started keeping a supply of safe foods for me and my daughter there. So when my mom has her for the day (or night) she knows to stick with foods from the safe supply, or else she calls and checks with me. I think my mom has finally realized that not even a crumb can get into our food and she's a lot more careful now. It used to make me nuts when she would have the cousins over there too and would be making their sandwiches (full of gluten) and then NOT WASH HER HANDS before making my daughter's food. One time I was over there when she did that and I screamed at her! WASH YOUR HANDS!!!! THERE IS GLUTEN ALL OVER THEM!!!!! Now I think she's gotten neurotic about making sure EVERYTHING is wiped down and clean! LOL!

Tamara, I almost had that same breakdown with my dad over xmas preparations last week, lol.

Smunkee, As for the inlaws, go over (or send your dh over if he's ok) and go through all their cabinets and check the labels on everything they feed your kid. They may actually appreciate it. I had to do it with my own parents (and my mom is gluten-free). But it was my dad who watches my son, and of course he wants to feed him "treats" and whatnot, things my mom wouldn't eat anyway. Now my dad has me read the label of anything new he gets before it gets fed to ds.

Best wishes on this task,
Merika