I guess the title pretty much says it all.

Here's the story. I am getting married at the end of October. I had picked up a dress at a yard sale for a steal, almost a year ago. I liked it when I tried it on there, but when I got home and kept looking at it, it wasn't what I liked. In the spring, I was in Salvation Army, and there was a new with tags Jasmine dress on the rack. It was so pretty. It fit almost perfectly. I was going to get it dry cleaned, it was a bit dirty on the bottom from my guess is being dragged on the floor. In our state they will not spot clean at all, so I was told at the cleaners, that they could dry clean it but the beads on top may come off and they were not liable for that. I took the dress home (not cleaned) to think it over. My coworker had made a good point, it will get dirty the minute you get out of the church, so if it is not noticable not to worry about spending the money on dry cleaning. The other weekend I took it out, put it on to inspect the dirtiness. One thing I must have overlooked at the store, there are runs in the front of the dress, as if it got scratched by a finger nail or ring. It looks horrid. I was devastated. My fiance told me he wanted me to go buy a dress a new one, he didn't care about the price. He thinks every girl deserves the prettiest wedding dress.
Yesterday, while getting my maid of honor fitted, I tried on dresses. I had started looking and pinning the ones I wanted. I found the dress of my dreams. I tried on 10 dresses yesterday. This one was on sale for $200. For a brand new dress at David's Bridal, wow! They didn't have any of my size on the $99 rack.
Well, today I showed the dress to the girl next to me. She couldn't believe I bought another dress. Another coworker, couldn't believe it either, she exclaimed how many dresses do you need. Then she went on to say why am I having a wedding, I could use the money to buy a house. I am not even having a big fancy wedding, it is just a small little thing. When my good friend, came over and said Are you kidding about the dress, I said no and showed it to her. She loved it. I said I was ashamed to have bought another. She said I needed to be happy. Well the girl next to me, has turned around to say I said her and the second woman were being rude about my dress.
So now I feel horrible. I am not even excited about the wedding, I wish I could back and never tell anyone. I never feel comfortable at work, they are so odd about stuff. This sent me over the edge. I was outside in tears earlier. I am getting married. I should be happy. Instead I am hiding.
sorry for the rant, just wanted to get that off my shoulders.

Oh Amanda, I'm so sorry that girl made you feel bad I think she was way out of line--what business is it of hers how many dresses you buy?

It *is* important for you to be happy on your special day. I understand you tried to economise with the first two dresses, but in the end, they turned out to be not what you really wanted. I'm glad that your fiance realized this and urged you to go shopping.

$200 (while a lot of money) isn't horribly expensive for a wedding dress. Please don't feel guilty or let anyone make you feel bad for what you choose. I'm really happy for you that you found something you love!

I'm thinking I wouldn't share any important or personal information with your co-workers. It does not sound like they have your best interests at heart. There are some people who just hate to see anyone else happy--sad, but true.

So, take a deep breath and don't let them get to you. You're getting married!!!!! And it's going to be wonderful.

And I want to see pictures

Mean girls come in all ages....

This moment when you join together is a beginning. It should be marked with celebration and beauty. You will be beautiful that day and full of joy--think of what is ahead for you! If you can buy three dresses and still put food (gluten-free, of course!) on the table, so be it. Mark this beginning. It's one of the few you will never forget!

Dont let what they told you bother you. They are just jealous.

I wonder what they would of told me with what i spent on my wedding dress. You got an awesome deal on your dress and that is what matters, Every bride deserves to look beautiful and be in a dress that makes her feel like the prettiest girl in the world

You are going to show us the dress arent you lol.

paula

Amanda, don't feel bad. I have two wedding dresses. The first was a victorian style dress that I decided would be too hot to wear in June. The second was a prom dress that I bought two weeks before the wedding, just when all the prom stuff went on clearance. You need to wear whatever you like. This wedding will last a lifetime in memories and it's only fair for you to wear exactly what you want to. Don't worry about what those women said, there's nothing wrong with changing your mind or buying something different.

*said in her best big sister voice*

Now listen here Miss Amanda.......this is YOUR wedding. These girls are just being hiefers because they are jealous!! Ignore them!!!

Stop, take a deep breath and for goodness sakes BE HAPPY!! You have found your prince charming and you two are going to have a wonderful life together. This dress drama is only a grain of sand in the life that you two will share. Forget about it, spend the $200 and get your dream dress!! Look like the princess you deserve to be.

OK I'm done now hehe

-Jessica

I had the wedding of my dreams -- me, him, the minister and no one else. But I've never liked ceremony and always swore that was what I wanted for a wedding. It gave me an easy out to anyone that complained about not being invited "My own mother wasn't there, you should complain?" :-)

That was my choice, my dream wedding. If your choice is the dress and so forth, that's your choice and don't let anyone take the joy out of it. Especially over a $200 wedding dress. While $200 is a lot of money, it's not a lot of money for a wedding dress -- it's very reasonable. It's not uncommon for wedding dresses to cost much more.

And I've got news for your co-worker, $200 won't go very far when you are talking about a downpayment on a house. But it will do just great towards making your wedding day a day you will enjoy remembering.

I think some of your co-workers suffer from small and petty spirits. Possibly, they are jealous of your happiness. That's their problem, don't let them make it yours.

Thanks you guys, I am starting to feel a bit better. Yesterday my bride side finally kicked it...I got excited, before I was just so overwhelmed about everything. Now I am excited and my maid of honor and I started getting things to make. Here is a link to the dress


http://davidsbridal.com/bridal_gowns_detai...mp;prodgroup=10

People who know my posts may realize that I'm not always politically correct... ...so here goes :

Anyone who makes you feel guilty about YOUR own wedding deserves a slap across the face. I don't know if people like to make other people feel bad, are jealous, or just plain ignorant. Regardless, it is YOUR big day, and you deserve to be happy. Don't feel bad about spending $200 on your wedding dress (provided you will not go without food for a month). It would be *very* hard to find a dress in good condition that fits you well in a second hand store. Most people would need to buy a new dress anyway. Now, granted $200 is not really that much for a wedding gown, but it does depend on your budget and what you want to spend. I think you got a very good deal, and I am sure you will look beautiful! Donate the other dresses to a program that helps underprivileged women, I am sure there is a charity that will accept them.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding and good luck!

Awww that's a very pretty dress....I say GET IT

Thank You, I did purchase it yesterday. I got it on sale too. It was the only one out of 10 that was what I liked. Now I did get spaghetti straps for it, I am not the strapless type.

Amanda sweetie,

The gown is just lovely, and you will look simply beautiful in it

Don't give those negative nellies another thought

That is a very pretty dress, 200 for that dress is an awesome deal. Just a tip if you plan on keeping it, after you wear wash it by hand in the bathtub then wrap it up, if you take it to an dry cleaner you will lose the pearls on it. That is what my mom did with mine then we put it in a keepsake box. I really hope one of my girls will wear it in about 30 yrs lol.

paula

Amanda, that dress is GORGEOUS!!! I'm so excited that you went ahead and got it.

Thanks for the tip

Excited, of course!

Are the women who said you should take the wedding money and buy a house married?

I am thinking that maybe they just don't appreciate marriage and sharing the celebration with your friends and family. Marriage seems to be less common than it used to be, so it seems that many don't appreciate what it means.

I find it funny that you bought two used dresses, then a new one, but it's still nothing to be ashamed of! You can always take them back to the Salvation Army so someone else can buy them!

My computer won't go to the website, so I can't see your dress.

My wife is Chinese-Vietnamese-American. It's traditional to wear multiple wedding dresses on your wedding day. she "only" had 3, a friend of hers had 5. Her mom wanted her to have 5, but she thought that was silly.

It's your day, don't let anyone ruin it. We had all kinds of little squabbles trying to arrange a wedding that would feel "normal" and "right" to both sides of the family. In the end, we told both sides, "Look, it's our wedding, what matters is just that we love each other, and we'll do our best to incorporate some traditions from both sides, and everyone is going to have fun. If you can't handle that, stay home. "

Seemed to work.

And the girl that gave you a hard time just sounds like a b**ch to me. Don't let her get under your skin.

Geoff

BTW- That's a very nice dress.

And $200, for anything wedding related, is pretty inexpensive. I was bit reluctant to have a big wedding, but we did, and it was awesome and spectacular and wonderful and I wouldn't change a thing.

there are pictures and our vows here.
http://www.kimandgeoff.com/wedding/index.html

Thanks for sharing those pics and vows, looks like you had an beautiful wedding. I spent about 2000 for my wedding dress and attire, it was an one of a kind. Now having 5 kids, i sometimes feel bad for spending that kind of money, but we had the big catholic wedding. Thank goodness my parents paid for it all, and poor things i left my husband at the alter, cause his side of the family caused many problems the night before and the day of the wedding. But my mom told me i was marrying my husband and not his family lol and that i beter get back on that alter and get married. I am so glad i listened to her, even tho his family still dont like me, but at least they stay away from us lol.

All wedddings are special, and the bride needs to do what makes her happy. If she wants a 5 dollar dress of a 10,000 dress or if she wants 1 or 5 dresses, it doesnt matter to anyone but the bride (and a groom for a small percent).

paula

our wedding was quite a bit more expensive that that, and we paid for 90% of it. I was still a student at the time, so it was tough, but we did it, and I have no regrets. I don't think a fancy, big celebration is needed, but I certainly had a great time and don't regret a thing.

Geoff

I need to butt in here one more time--Geoff, your wedding pictures are beautiful! Thanks for sharing

no that was just for what i wore, the wedding was over 10 times that. But that was the last time i had all 4 of my grandparents at anything of mine. That is something i will cherish the rest of my life. My poor grandpa was there with an concussion, and he died a few months later. He was my rock, i miss him so much. I am so sad he never met any of my kids besides my stepson, who he loved so much. But my son who i was pg with when he passed away we named after him, and boy are they similiar. People in my hometown still talk about our wedding and its been 8 yrs lol.


Blue, what day are you getting married on? I think an october wedding is wonderful. What is the weather like up there in october? What color is your bridesmaid dress. i love weddings and love to know the details lol. Are you going to have an veil or tiarra, hair up or down?

paula

I should learn to read.

Thats ok.

But if i could have found dress as beautiful as blue, i would have gotten one like hers, but we didnt have an davids bridal. I think she got that for an steal and im so jealous.

paula

A dress like that for only $200 is quite a steal! It's gorgeous! Twenty years from now, your husband will still remember how lovely you looked in that dress and I think your co-worker is jealous.

If you donate the other 2 dresses to a charity, don't forget to get a receipt. Getting married will change your tax status and you might be able to use the donation to reduce your taxes.

I got married in the 80's ... I wore a wide brimmed bridal hat!

My grandmother had a bridal shop for years ... she always suggested wearing your hair up if you usually wear it up, and down if you usually wear it down ... the reason? Otherwise you will look odd to yourself in pictures.

I'm glad you got the dress you liked. And I say don't ever bother talking about it at work again - they clearly aren't old enough to handle conversation.

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. We were having a celebration after work, we got a new supervisor today and we were saying thanks to one of ours who was the interim supervisor.

Anyway back to the wedding, nice pics Geoff!

My bridesmaids are wearing lilac. My little flower girl is wearing this dress we bought off Ebay from angelickids. It is a lilac shell and then white tulle with lilac flowers on the skirt, floor length. She is adorable, she was adopted from China, she is 6 but is tiny, the dress we ordered is a size 4. She is a daughter of a friend of ours we met in the lab.
We are getting married October 27th.
It is a Russian Orthodox ceremony which is very different from the Catholic background I come from. It sounds nice though.
The weather varies up here in October, last few years it is still warmish.
I am getting my little personal cake from the grainless baker, since they come from a Pastry background they know how to decorate the cake too, plus!!!!
I want our wedding song to be From this moment by Shania Twain.
I am getting a tiera and my maid of honor and I are making the veil.

Geoff,
I just wanted to add that the pictures are beautiful . I can tell it was a very happy occassion!

Ok 1st let me say I think it's absolutely hysterical that you bought 3 wedding dresses; hysterical in a good way! I love it! It's a genius story.

Secondly, the final dress (it is the final dress right? LOL), is gorgeous.

Thirdly, your fiance is right. You deserve to have a brand new, beautiful dress for your wedding.

And lastly, I'm not sure how much the other 2 dresses cost (although if you feel guilty about $200 I'm gonna guess they were each less than that), but if I told you how much my wedding dress cost, you'd feel a hell of a lot better

Oh, and might I add, October is a great month to get married! (yes that is when I got married. Hehe. October 22nd will be my 2 yr. anniversary).

From this moment was our wedding song also, my best friend from grade school sang it at the church, it was very bitter sweet. The other dresses sound so adorable. Just to add some humour on the 3 thing lol. I went threw 3 flower girls. I had picke dmy little cousin at first, well she evnded up sick the night before the wedding and couldnt do it, then we picked dans little neice and she got stage fright right before the wedding as i was getting dressed, so we thn had to pick or should i say dans side of the family picked his great neice, might i add i was not happy about it lol But i was so overwhelmed and agreed to it. my step son of course was the ring bearer in a cast. He broke his arm on mothers day while he was with his mom, i was upset about it but tg the cast was white to match his tux lol.

How nice you will have cake to eat for your wedding and that they know how to decorate. I had the ugliest cake, they totally messed it up from what i ordered.

But we had an awesome time anyway, we still watch our wedding video every yr on our anniversary. It is so sad tho to see all of my family members that have passed away since tho. So take lots of pics.

How old are your lovely co-workers, you didnt invite them to the wedding, did you lol

paula

I am the baby in the office. The one that said about the buying of the house is very outspoken. If you saw my other topic a few weeks back about the emailing in the office, she is the one I had been good friends with and we then drifted apart.

Yes i remember that post. She seems very immature. I think she is just jealous of you in every way. I would just not talk to her anymore. I think that is one reason why i think i am happy i do not work anymore, because co workers can be so mean if you dont think the way they do lol

paula

It's your wedding, you should be married in the dress of your choosing. The dress you chose is beautiful.

JUST a warning! I did this and the water shrunk the dress. I'm not kidding. I learned that the lining was made of unwashable rayon. It was a size 10 and now it's about a size 4.

Avoid her but it the subject comes up again, look her dead in the eye and say that it's none of her business if you have 10 wedding dresses. My sister in law has 2 diamond engagement rings from the same man she married. Perhaps your co worker is a "green eyed" monster.


And I too had purchased a sale gown about a year before I got married ($50) and it was beautiful and my aunt made me cry over it and I returned it (I shouldn't have). I cried so hard I got myself sick with strep throat. It was a beautiful antique cream but it was a winter gown (I didn't realize the seasons). I eventually got married in July and wore a "spring" dress.

I love your gown and agree with the spagetti strapping idea. It is so elegant. Don't forget about sharing your wedding photos with us, if you can.

Debbie

It seems to be a very fickle enviroment. I have a few people here who loved the new dress. I also had those ones who had the mixed feelings. I guess I was not ready to have such a shocked response too. I am starting to get excited again. This is a good thing.

I wonder why yours shrunk, mine came out the same way as i got it. It took like 5 washings to get it white again tho since it was so black from the floor, but it didnt turn yellow which the dry cleaner thought it would. Even when i opened up the box two yrs ago due to water damage in our house that affected the box it was in, it was still as beautiful as the day i bought it. Im glad mine didnt shrink since it was an size 4, i dont think i would ever be able to get back into it if it shrunk lol, im even afraid i wont fit in to it in 2 yrs when we renew our vows for our 10 yr anniversary.

paula

Paula,
That is so neat you are going to put it on to renew your vows. I tried mine on last night to show to my mother in law. I cannot wait till the day I wear it down the aisle.

That dress is gorgeous!!! Your going to look great!!! You got a steal of a deal on that one. It looks like it should be a lot more money!!! As for the coworkers, you know they are not friends, move on. They are not worth your time. Laugh about the fact you bought multiple dresses. Something silly that will make you laugh for years to come, like you just couldn't find a sexy enough dress to make you fiance blush at the alter.

BTW-houses are like kids, you never have enough money saved up. When you are ready, you will both make the decision to buy the house and you will be happy and moeny will be tight periodically, but it is worth it.

Please post a picture after the wedding -can't show hubby the dress before

Best of luck!

So an Update to this story, I put both of my other dresses on Ebay. The one is a good value, and so I set the bidding at $200 and buy it now for 250. So last night I get home and Someone had used Buy It Now.

So then the whole buying thing got fishy, not sure anyone on this board buys or sells off Ebay but here is an email that I sent to Ebay Customer Service last evening.

I was selling a wedding dress, I listed it last evening 7/8/07,
I put down local pickup only, if they wanted it and lived outside the
area, to contact me and we would work out details. The ebay user
(User name has been removed) purchased the dress using Buy it Now. I went to go check
his status and he is no longer a registered member. He did email me, and
he wants to send me a cashiers check for the dress. The check is going
to include extra money to go towards shipping. The strange part comes
next, he is leaving the US for Germany and his wife is in England, she
is contacting with a shipping agency in England to come to my location
to pick up this dress. It sounds fishy. I have emails documenting our
conversations. He has instructed me to take the amount for the dress and
then I have to give the remaining amount to this shipping person. I
don't feel comfortable completing this transaction. Please Help.

So, as of this morning I still have not heard back from the buyer, He will not tell me who their shipping agency is nor will he let us ship to them, he will not tell us how much is coming in the check. I do not think I should split the check.

Ebay has told me since he is no longer a member I do not have to sell the dress. I told the buyer in my last email that due to the strange circumstances surrounding this sale unless we come to an agreement I am comfortable with I will not ship that dress, to not bother sending that check....Fishy?

Strange ... but if you get real money, why not? I'd have the shipping agency meet you at Starbucks ... I wouldn't give strangers on the internet my address.

Definnately a Scam. The way it works is they send a fake check. You deposit it, then when in "clears" in 4-5 days, you wire them the money. Then in two weeks you bank tells you the check was fraudulent, and you are responsible for the total amount of the check. So you're out that money, as you have no recourse with the wire company.

They won't even bother asking for the dresses.

Whatever you do, don't do it. When I sell things on EBAY, i ONLY accept Paypal. People can use their Credit Cards, or money from their Paypal account. There is a small cost (1-3%) but when you've got the money, you know it's "real" money.

And they have good dispute resolution services too.

Make sure you ask Ebay for a refund of the listing fees. They'll give it to you, but you have to ask. these kind of issues and the rising fees are why I don't use Ebay much anymore. I used to use it to get rid of random stuff, and sports/photography equipment. Now I use Craigslist for most stuff. Cash and in person. I only use Ebay for collectibles and weird odds and ends.

Geoff

Wow, interesting Geoff! I guess I was thinking it would be a real cashier's check from a bank. I wasn't even thinking of wiring the money.

Unfortunately, the fact that they keep doing it must mean a lot of people don't realize what's going on. I participate in kayak ing forum, and people are always selling sued boats and gear in the "gearswap" section. Unfortunately, it seems every few weeks someone gets ripped off by these scam artists.

check out what Wikipedia says-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigerian_scam...t.2C_fake_check


Geoff

Yes Amanda, listen to Geoff--my son uses ebay all the time and this is definately a scam.

Thanks for the help Geoff! I smelt a fish from the beginning and I am glad to see I am not the only one.

Here is our email conversations

He initially wrote
I will be sending payment of US $250.00 for my item.


Dear ,

I will be sending payment of US $250.00 via Money Order/CashierCheck shortly.

Will be sending a check from LA cos i need this item in England so my wife has arranged with a shipper overthere to come and pick up the item from your location as i will be living for Germany.So the check will contain both cost of the item and shipping fee for shipping company.Once check is rec'd you subtract the cost of the item and send the rest to the shipper to enable them pick up the item and take it down to England.email me name and address.where you want it sent.Thanks



I responded with

Hi,
You won my auction for the wedding dress. I do not feel comfortable splitting that check. Is your wife arranging shipment from UPS or FEDEX? Seeing as you are not from our area at all we would feel a little more at ease arranging for either of the shipping companies mentioned to be the shipper. If it is UPS, I can mail it right from my place of employment. If you like, I can even get the shipping quote and let you know what it is. Please let me know, because I feel very awkward with the first arrangement, I am sorry.
AmandaDate: Mon, 9 Jul 2007 15:10:06 -0700
From: "eBay Member: george_wesley03" <checkout@ebay.com>

Subject: I will be sending payment of US $250.00 shortly for eBay item
#150140373315, Never Used Wedding Dress


He responded
I am travelling monday morning to Germany..Payment will be made via cashiers check or Money Order it will contain some excess money which you will help me to send to the shipping agency..My wife has already arranged with a shipping agency in England that will be coming for the pick up.Once the payment is received you deduct the cost of the sale and have the rest of the funds sent to the shipping agency to enable them come pick up the item at your location...pls email me name and address including a cell phone number of where you want the payment sent where you want it sent..Thanks

I sent one last email saying do not send the check, I will not be shipping the dress. He was not a cooperating buyer and I would not continue the process. I have not heard back since.

I agree...sounds like a scam or worse.

My last transaction on eBay was with a seller who wasn't sending the product I purchased. I no longer purchase from eBay as eBay doesn't care who they allow as sellers (they SAY they do, but this one was selling boot-leg Disney films and stating they were originals). Mea cupla as I should have read the remarks about the seller and I would have read how many purchasers mentioned that the tapes were copies, etc. But eBay doesn't have an email address so that sellers like this could be reported. There's no "contact us" email for purchasers (maybe for the sellers, but not the buyers).

Anyway this man from Canada was selling boot legs made overseas and shipped from overseas. I waited 3 months and never got the tape (at this point I did not know it was going to be a boot-leg). So I called the deal off and made a negative comment on the eBay board about him to which HE reported me to Square Deal and said I was a fraud (????huh?? as I paid him in full). At the end I got my money back but I do not do business with eBay anymore. The tape never showed up - ever & it's been 3 years now. Had I read what prior customers posted about him I would have seen that the tapes were illegal copies made overseas and many customers never received them or they were such poor copies you had to throw them away.....
He portrayed his stuff as "NEW" and I would have never began the transaction had I known the tapes were not new but copies.

Deb-
You are right, there is a no contact thing for sellers too. There is no phone number, you can write a message to ebay but it is not exactly an email. It is a format along the lines of what we use on this board for pm's. They did respond to me quickly. I sent the message at 11 at night and there a message in my email inbox at 8am when I logged in yesterday. I am not sure what time it got there. It helped, because it gave me my rights as a seller and concerning the buyer who was no longer a member. I think once the auction for my other dress ends I may relist this dress we are talking about. I am not sure I would be able to sell it on Craigslist. After these two items I am going to be done with ebay.

The new dress is beautiful! Good choice. You'll be miserable if you aren't comfortable in your dress and your wedding day is not one that you want to spend being miserable. And if buying three dresses is the most bridezilla thing you do, you're not doing so badly. Besides, this is all about you and your soon-to-be husband and the marriage and the rest of your lives, not your silly coworkers who clearly have their priorities all wrong. Who are they to say what you and your finance should spend your money on?

And I agree that I absolutely would not take the cashier's check. Sending a cashier's check for more than the amount of the item is a classic scam - it's happened to me, too. Someone else will buy the dress, it's not like you have to sell it today.