i need to write this because i am very upset and i would like to hear what other think i should do.
My daughter is in the first grade (peanut/treenut allergy & celiac disease). On Friday the class celebrated the 100th day of school with a breakfast. Fine, I made her fresh donuts that am and had a frozen bagel packed also. THis is what the teacher listed as the class was eating. Well, the mom that was supposed to bring in the donuts forgot! So, Cailyn could not eat her donut because no one else had any. Fast forward to Tuesday. The mom surprised the class and I am assuming the teacher at this point with donuts. Everyone ate donuts except my daughter!! She had a bag of skittles. I am very angry, upset, and just plain pissed. (excuse my language)
I put a call into the asst. principal to discuss this and the fact that there is just too much food in the class room. I will keep you posted on what transpires.

well i just want to know am i wrong to feel this way? should i pursue this issue about limiting the food in the classroom? I just really needed to get this out and hear everyone ideas/opinions.

Thank you all so much for listening and taking the time to respond.

Kelly

Morning Kelly,

You might find this link informative:

http://www.celiaccentral.org/SiteData/docs...SchoolLunch.pdf

I have no idea if this will work or is even an option but I'll toss it out anyway. Is it possible that the teacher can send out a flyer saying something like"

"Due to allergy concerns parents are not allowed to bring food for the classroom unless at least 5 days advance notice is given. Any food brought in without advance notice will not be accepted"

OR

"Parents are not allowed to bring food for the classroom unless at least 5 days advance notice is given. Any food brought in without advance notice will not be accepted"

You might also consider speaking with the principal and asking to have this made a school wide policy.

Hope you find a solution.

I don't understand why your daughter was "required" to eat the same food as everyone else the first day (she couldn't eat hers because no one else had one), while this same principle didn't apply the second day (everyone got to eat theirs even though she didn't have one).

I can kindof see where the teacher was coming from the first day because the whole class might feel left out. It seems like it's generally acceptable for the gluten-free child to eat different food or have to eat healthy food while everyone else eats junk, but not the other way around. But the celiac child will always be eating something different. What if you hadn't tried to match what the class was eating? What if you decided to just send in cupcake? Would that be ok? Non-celiac kids need to learn to deal with disappointment over not having the same food, too. I definitely understand why you're upset, but I think the teacher was just doing her best to try to be fair/equal to everyone. The issue is, when you've got one kid who can't eat the same stuff, nothing is going to be 100% equal for everyone. Unfortunately, I think this situation illustrates how our society tries to be fair/equal. I doubt this is going to change anytime soon.

I would definitely talk to the teacher about what you expect with regards to food in the classroom. I also agree that there's too much food (specifically junk food) in classrooms. Honestly, how do we expect kids to learn when they're eating donuts for breakfast???

That's a GREAT idea!! I'm fortunate that there's another child with Celiac in our dd's 1st grade class, plus one with a dairy allergy. I'm one of the room mom's so we coordinate parties to make sure that parent's bringing in items know what they can and can't bring. The teacher has let all the parents know to tell her in advance if they're bringing in treats and she's given me a list of birthdays so that I can plan ahead. I do keep a bag of Pamela's mini chocolate chip cookies in the classroom for any 'surprises'

We're having an issue in my son's preschool room. Lunch is so hectic that he's gotten glutened twice in the last week because he grabs stuff off the other kid's plates thinking it's his plate too--it's new to him and he's only 2.5, so he doesn't get it yet. I had a firm talk with the teachers, and if they don't get it this time, I will be going to the administration. My dd went to this same school and we had NO issues-ever, but she was 4....

Good luck to you, I hear it gets easier once you get past 1st grade. Not a lot of food in the classroom after that...

I'm sorry. I would be frustrated too. You put a lot of effort into making sure your daughter wouldn't be left out but she was anyway.

The way I've had to look at it is that my daughter is going to grow up eating differently than everyone around her so she's going to have to get used to having a substitute treat. I bet a lot of kids thought your daughter's skittles looked pretty good! Sorry!

I agree with kbtoyssni, the double standard here is what I am not understanding!?!!? She couldn't eat it the first day because nobody else had doughnuts (ok fine!!), however on the second day not everyone had doughtnuts then either!!! So why in the world did everyone else get to eat them? Did they ask your daughter if she would be ok with that and she said "that's fine I'll just eat skittles"? If so , then it would have been an OK situation. However, if not then it just wasn't fair at all.

-Jessica

I hear ya! I have been through this with my 10 year son coming up on 2 years now. We had constant issues at his old school (right down to the teacher having him make playdough with flour at his desk!). Then we switched schools this year, and I had all the hopes it was going to be better. We sat down with all his teachers, principal, vice principal, and after school caregiver and we all decided on what we were going to do. I did my part. I brought in shelf steady foods (energy bars, popcorn, etc) for him to have in case of a "surprise". They haven't done any of there part. They rarely notify me of class events. They put him at risk with playdough even though I spent $40 providing the school with gluten free clay. And on top of that, they have never once offered him anything from the food I sent to school.

It seems so stupid! I just can't believe it.

We're homeschooling starting next month.

There are a lot of schools that follow the new wellness policy in regards to snacks/food in class. Our school will only allow one treat per party, all other food items have to be "healthy". Usually the kids end up with fruit trays and veggie trays with dips. Have you considered being the room parent for your childs class, then you pretty much are in control of the food brought in for parties. I have 3 kids and the youngest has food allergies and celiac. He is only 3 and home with me now, but I read this site all of the time and am dreading sending him to school. I have the thought of homeschooling in the back of my mind because I'm sure the school would not approve of my standing outside his class all day. Maybe I should be remodeling my dining room into a little classroom now.............

Is your daughter in a school that accepts federal funding? If so, I think the best thing you can do is to get a 504 plan in place for her. Celiac and her other allergies are covered under federal disability laws. With a 504 plan in place, you can put stipulations on advanced notice for class parties, special accomodations for cooking projects and lots of other eventualities. A 504 is a legal document that the classroom teacher and school administration must adhere to or they are breaking the law. If you do not have a 504 plan in place all you really have are oral agreements with no possibility for enforcement.

Sorry your daughter had a bad week. That is really infuriating. Sometimes it feels like no matter how well we plan otr how hard we work it's not enough.

Thank you all for you responses. I really like that letter idea to the school. Her teacher usually works closely with me and this is the first "real" issue this year.
I still am upset that everyone got to eat those darn donuts! i have to stop dwelling on it but it just makes me angry. She has a safe treat box in her class room for situations like this but this should not have happened.
She knows that she will have different snacks on occasion, but i have always tried to substitute something similar for her in class.
i just need to let this go.....

I really thank you all again for the support

I wanted to ask how your daughter felt about this? If she's an easy-going kid, this situation might not have phased her at all. Me having to eat "different" food or having the menu change on me when I've brought food to match the original menu doesn't bother me too much. I know I'm much, much older than your daughter, but it could be that she just doesn't care that much.

I have to be honest - we didn't talkl about it too much. I didn't want it to be a big issue with her. We try not to make things into big issues about food. This is definately more my issue than hers.
She talked about it a little - she was just a little disappointed since she couldn't enjoy the same things her friends were. She didn't understand why she couldn't eat hers on Friday.
We spoke briefly like i said and i think she was ok with everything. she, thankfully, is pretty easy going. Every now and again things bother/upset her.

Thanks again to everyone. Love this site!!

You can't always go by how the child acts about it. My son always acts like it is no big deal when things like this come up but I see that crushed look on his face (only his mom would notice such a face ). To us grownups a donut is not a huge deal but to a kid it surely is. I completely understand your frustration. I sent my son's teacher a note 2 weeks ago asking about the Valentine's party and just realized that I hadn't heard back from her this weekend so I sent another note. The class mom called me yesterday and said, "oh, well we think we are going to do a pizza party and cupcakes, I know Jacob can't eat that so you can send him in something". Now after spending the whole day in the ER with my younger son this almost put me over the top. I understand pizza parties will come up but I think it is so not necessary for Valentine's Day and also inconsiderate to my son. In the words of my princial (I teach kindergarten), "this is not Chucky Cheese, just a cupcake and some healthy snacks should do".

My school district has a wellness policy that requires a minimal amount of "food reward" and parties which have to include healthy snacks like veggies and fruit, so we've not had much of this to deal with.

But let's be realistic. Teachers have a lot to deal with and are not always in the loop with what individual parents are going to do/bring in. There are always teachers/parents/kids who just don't get it. You are asking for constant disappointment and anger if you expect otherwise -- is that what you want to model for your daughter? Control what you can -- send in a durable, sealed box of snacks for her to choose from, talk to the teacher about the exceptions that will need to be made, and hang in there. The squeaky-but-NICE wheel gets the most results (I would not have gone over the teacher's head to the assistant principal, but that's just me).

School has been a constant thorn in my side. There was one day my 8 year old came home in tears b/c the school provided donuts to all the kids taking the TAKS preparation test. They were Krispy Kremes, and he remembers how good those are. I felt awful...then I was just plain ticked off, first b/c no one let me know, and second....I really think that conveys the wrong message to kids for later in life. Isn't there any other reward beside a sweet treat? No wonder childhood obesity is on the rise.

We also had a 100th day of school snack activity, and it was a disaster for my younger daughter. One teacher (not her primary, who is great) let Emmie make a Fruit Loop necklace. The activity was for each table to have ten different plastic cups filled with snacks. On their paper, they lined up ten of each to equal 100. Well, I had shlepped myself up to the school with little toddlers in tow, with my 10 plastic cups filled with gluten free snacks. Just as I walk in, there's Emmie chowing down on Fruit Loops. Her primary teacher had left for the day, and when I told her about it, she was just as upset as I was. She said she has told all the other kinder teachers several times about Emmie's diet. ARGH!

Tonight, I just got off the phone with the room mom discussing snacks for tomorrow's party. I had signed up for snacks, and I decided on Fruit a bu, since I know the kids are going to get alot of candy in their boxes. She also wants to bring Little Debbie's, I guess it's just not a party without a pound of sugar.

Okay, I could go on, but I'd better stop, lol. I really thought schools were trying to be healthier, but I think if I came in with a fruit tray tomorrow, I would be shot, lol. I had seriously considered homeschooling back in August, but dh talked me out of it. He's completely on board now, so next year that is our plan. It will certainly make some things much easier!

Update to the Valentines party...another disaster. I don't know what to do...I love my dd's teacher, but this baffles me. I was running late for the party, and when I got there Emmie had already eaten a cookie. The thing is, Emmie used to be very good about not eating gluten if someone gave it to her. But lately, she has been giving me a hard time. Last year in preschool she did great, the teachers helped reinforce for her that she couldn't eat those foods. This year, the teachers keep putting regular cookies, or cereal like last week, right in front of her. I think she's getting confused. I have a bag in the classroom filled with safe snacks......I know being a teacher is difficult, but this is crazy. Especially after she got so sick last week after the cereal accident, I really thought everyone would be a bit more vigilant.

This makes three huge glutenings in two weeks, and she is sick again. Her little body can't take this, she already has speech and learning issues. I just don't see how this happens! Allright, thanks for letting me vent. Sorry to hijack your post, lol.

taweavmo3, your daughter might be eligable for an IEP (Individual Education Plan). My son was in special education and had an IEP. The school is required by law to follow the IEP and parents. I had to get a letter from the doctor requesting my son be placed in Special Education.

If she is not eligable for an IEP follow cruelshoes suggestion of getting a 504 plan.

You might also need ask for a meeting with the teacher and see if addtional safeguards can be put in place. One idea, which may or may not be good, is to get her classmates involved in looking out for her. Another is to request that no food be allowed in the room except the lunches brought from home for all the children.

Hope you are able to work this out.

Thanks....we do have an IEP, and I have talked to a slew of people at the school about her. The school nurse also assured me everyone would keep a close eye on her. I sent in multiple copies of letters regarding Celiac, what it does to her, what she can't eat, etc. Argh, it's very aggravating. I think her teacher just got really busy handing out the cookies and forgot. I know it happens, and she is a great teacher. I just need to keep my baby well! At least this is the last of the school parties until the end of the year.

That is a really good idea about enlisting the help of her classmates, I have found that kids seem to understand and remember her diet better than most adults. The kids in her class were the very first ones to tell me she ate the cookie, lol. I think I'm going to ask the teacher if I can come in and talk to the kids about Celiac (isn't there a kids book out there?) and ask for their help.

I am having a difficult time with my nine yr old's school too.


I sent him with special snacks that they made him take home. They didn't even bother to ask, they just thought it had peanuts in it. Well my son has a peanut allergy!!! ( it was gluten-free pretzels,cashews, almonds, rasins, & banana chips)

So when it comes to other allergies they are all over it but give my son a hard time for his.

They can't substitute anything for lunch! So we went from free lunches to providing everything then the lunch lady called and said the only subs is a juicebox but i'd have to pay 50 cents for it!!!

Just recently I sent Hanson's soda (the "organics" of pop) with my son's lunches and they made him throw it away!!! Pop is not allowed at school. So they told me to subs. juice and I said I want to keep his sugars down and not spend an arm and a leg price wise, so she said then send water!

I was so upset. She said the other kids don't understand that he has an allergy!!! So what, the school makes my kid suffer even more because it's not fair to all these other kids that can eat & drink whatever they want. Oh man, I'm going to have a little chat with the principal. Thanks though about the IEP & 504 we are doing that anyways for ADHD & ODD plus he just had a seizure at the end of December, but i'll make sure that they include about his allergies.


Luckily his teacher banned all snacks in the class, but that was because of a peanut allergy...

I agree with ryebaby. Your expectations were not met. It seems that's really hard on you.
As a teacher, I have no input on lots of food/snack stuff at our school.

You say the teacher works with you and this is your first issue. Did you expect to go from kinder through grade 12 with no issues arising? Unrealistic expectations can be a great stress because they lead to inevitable disappointment.

As for your daughter--I'm so happy your daughter didn't get glutened with all those donuts around!
JUST last week, I had parents pop into my classroom with cupcakes. It wasn't the first time. I've learned to expect it.

By the way, at Back To School Night, I ALWAYS recommend that when parents get ANGRY at the school, they need to vent to a spouse or friend (or this board--which gave lots of PRACTICAL and COMPROMISORY ideas) BEFORE they go stomping mad into the administrator's office or SCREAMING at the poor lunch lady or office clerk. People who work at schools generally like children and try to be fair.

I've noticed that when a parent has been angry toward me, I subconsciously pull away from that student. I try to smile and nod, and to avoid the parent, and in doing so, I tend to have less contact with that child. Not purposely, it's a natural response.

It seems you reacted, when you should've responded. This causes people to fear or avoid you, not to respect you.

I hope this doesn't feed your anger, but PRINCIPALS have a great deal of sympathy for teachers who have to deal with angry parents. Teachers don't get written up or any negative implications when you complain about them regarding things that have nothing to do with professional requirements. Many times, admin. don't say anything at all to the teacher.
Kids eat or don't eat things and cut their hair and wet their pants all the time, and parents want to blame somebody for it. It's not realistic.

Have you ever wondered why schools don't give parent satisfaction surveys? It's because that is not the priority. A school isn't Burger King, where you have it Your way. We all do our best, and staying positive helps.

Sorry, this is a bit off topic.. I don't have kids or anything but... people wonder why there is obesity in this country, yet we have "donut days" in school... wtf?? I'm 22 and I don't remember there being THAT much food around when I was in elementary school. Or maybe there was, I was just such a picky eater I didn't take any of it. I never developed a taste for cupcakes.. lucky me because now I can't eat them..
anyway, it just seems weird to me that there are so many "pizza parties" and "cake parties", not only are the kids getting bigger but there doesn't seem to be too much time in between all the PARTIES for any LEARNING. yeesh...
should I ever have kids, they will be homeschooled.

rant over.

Every since schools started depending on snack and soft drink sales for operating money the kids have been neck deep in sugar. And did you see in the New York Times how the kids who need free school lunches are ashamed to eat them because they have the healthier free lunch lines seperate from the" buy a ton of cookies and cake and soda" pay lines in some schools? When I was in school we never knew who was getting the free lunch and who was paying.

I don't have children either and I have been just reading this thread for a couple of weeks and I am amazed that there is so much food in a classroom! I had no idea that the school day was structured around Reward Breaks and snacks.

I was recently in the company of a couple who have children in grammar school and they were kvetching about their school NOT allowing snacks because of the children with food allergies and THEY were complaining about how it was restricting their children, blah, blah....I just kept my mouth shut because I am often reminded by parents how I don't have children (but no one knows I raised my younger brother and sister -- down to the point of talking with school officials ).
Anyway, I basically keep my mouth shut in conversations about "what to do about children" . I wanted to tell these parents the truth about school snacks and why keeping certain foods out of the classroom is important and WHY the school was making a fuss about it. But again, I don't want to be slapped with "You don't have children, so you can't talk!"

So from what I learned, the parents on the opposite side resent the parents whose children have special food needs. In this particular case, the school is on-board with "no snacks", but the parents need to be educated. Perhaps if the parents learn WHY it needs to be this way, they'll be of help to the parents with the children needing special diets.

I know teachers have a lot of things to think about, however, it's not hard to remember: "food=problems".

We talked with our 9 yr olds teacher (it's confrence time) and she told me the kids are doing better in class and more focused with the snacks removed! She lets the kids with diabeties and other valid reasons go and have a snack in the nurses office.


as for the pop thing... i guess it's banned in all the school's in our school district, elementary, middle, and high.
good to see they are taking the weight issue more seriously but i still wish they would take allergies (non life threatening) more seriously.

Okay, no offense to the person who posted this (and please be forewarned that further comments are not directed at you...but at what I'm seeing in my dd's school system), but I have to laugh just a bit at the "school isn't Burger King, where you have it your way". Perhaps not. But last I checked, most teachers don't get extra pay to manage a Dunkin Donuts either. Just what does this "celebration" have to do with the skills a teacher is supposed to possess and be able to pass along?

The simple fact is, this conflict was brought on directly by the teacher. She chose to celebrate this day, this way and therefore, she also made a choice for every child and parent involved in the class. Instead of "celebrating" the 100th day of class with donuts (which has NOTHING to do with school, learning...heck! I'm not even sure if donuts belong on the food pyramid supposedly taught in school), the teacher could have opted to something special within the realms of EDUCATION. I remember my 4th grade teacher would reward our class with an extra 15 minutes of story time. Sometimes, she'd reward us with a hands-on science experiment or she'd even get us a bit of extra gym time to play a game. The point is....our reward would be that she'd give us something educational that was more fun and creative than the normal fare. Something that we all could participate in....and REALLY wanted to participate in. And 30 years later, I still look back and think what an exceptional (and fun) teacher she was. I guess I was lucky because I had several teachers like her in life. The only food-based reward we ever had in grade school was one time we got to make butter in class by all passing around a jar of fresh cream that we each got to shake around. It took all day to make that butter while still having class...but it was a fun little perk.

I'm sorry, but I think that to a large extent, our schools have been hit with the same sedentary, whatever's most expedient attitude that is permeating the nation. We want whatever is cheap and easy. Handing out "treats" is a lot easier than coming up with a reward that actually promotes and makes education fun. How about planning a "special" school day where a police K-9 unit is brought in and its duties are explained and the kids get to pet the dog (promoting a respect and admiration for our police force). Or how about time being put aside for children to make a special craft for older citizens in a nursing home (promoting community, sharing and caring)? Or how about having the students participate in an activity where they come up with ideas of things they can do at home to help their parents, a sibling, family member or a friend? Maybe a list of 3 "nice" things that they can do for someone else....which they normally may not think to do. And encourage them to act on those ideas! That may teach them something about relationships and selflessness. It may also teach them to be caring, conscientious adults. But no....we teach them about self-gratifying behavior and that the best rewards in life are the ones that come solely to them...with no real effort or thought involved.

I guess that I just do not understand, why this extreme focus on (junk) food? Is it because when their mouths are full, they somehow are less of a nuisance to deal with? Does anyone really believe that all of these extra little "parties" are teaching our children positive behavior or how to have realistic expectations in life? And if it is parents who are forcing this issue on teachers...how about they politely be told that you (the teacher) are a bit busy educating the kids and that perhaps the parents could plan a party at their home after school hours where they can serve whatever they want?

Yikes, I really don't know what else to say on this thread. All food allergy/intolerance aside...I'm sorry, but I totally do not understand just what schools are trying to accomplish these days. Just what is the priority?

I believe that teachers are giving themselves a lot more hassles than they need to. And yes, I do agree that parents should let the teachers educate the children and not go off screaming every two minutes over every little detail. But at the same time, maybe parents wouldn't be screaming so much if they weren't having to deal with all of these extra, unnecessary incidentals along the way which have nothing to do with education and everything to do with wasting time, money and resources.

As a parent, I want to be involved in my child's life in as many areas as I can. But the constant influx of cookies, candy, cake, etc. is just over the top. I feel like a major portion of my time is spent explaining and re-explaining food allergies, Celiac Disease and cross-contamination issues and little to no time is spent talking about what my child is learning and what our strong/weak points are. It's gotten to be a real joke and I just cannot believe that at this point, I am seriously contemplating home-schooling. And then I catch myself thinking, "Yeah, and if more parents see the same trouble and also opt to home-school...maybe the educators would finally get the hint".

Okay...my ranting is done. To all the parents who are having these issues....I truly feel for you and am fighting that same battle. Maybe we can all band together and help promote the ideas of educational rewards in our children's schools and begin to steer the conversations in more positive directions. Preferable ones that actually deal with learning as opposed to eating.

I keep writing a response to this and keep deleting it because I can't be nice about a lot of what you said. But let it suffice that you would not keep that attitdue as my child's teacher for any length of time.

For all of you fighting this, I can not stress enough the importance of hiring an attorney. Those of you who have teachers and schools who work with you, count yourself blessed. A lot of us do not/did not have that and instead had teachers who simply don't care or are too young or too embittered to be allowed in the classroom.

As for parents banding together, that is a great idea. We had to do that to force the school to allow students to use the bathroom and not be punished during lunch for it. Yep,if you had to pee durng class time, you had to come back during lunch and sit for 10 minutes!!! The teachers and prinicpal explained the students were being given extra instructional time. After we secretly taped the "intructional" time (10 times in a week with 10 different teachers) which amounted to a teacher telling the child to sit and watch her grade papers for 10 mintues and stood across the street with signs asking any kids who had been suspended for peeing to call our number ( held for lunch 3 times resulted in afterschool detention, 3 of those and you had inschool suspension and 2 of those you were suspended - and yes we had kids going that far only because they had to use the bathroom), the school district issued a ban on the no bathroom policy. I imagine if you could find all the food allergy kids in your school and get the parents together, you could make some serious changes at the next school board meeting. Most people don't know this is going on and are shocked by it. Call the press and have cameras show up and get the most well polished person to represent you on camera. Most people firmly believe the schools should take care of the kid when they are there and that involves controlling their food. Most state laws now hold teachers as responsible as they do daycares. Feeding a child the wrong food that can harm them is abuse.

As for the chain of command in schools - ALways talk with the prinicpal and the teacher and a witness on your side. NEver go alone and never speak alone with one or the other concerning such issues. And don't even hesitate to go to the school district office. The prinicpal and the teacher are not boss and employee as so many think. They are fellow employees who are controlled by the district office. AND THEY DO NOT KNOW THE LAW for the most part. Take your issues to the DO as the District SUpervisor does understand the legalities that the prinicpal and teacher have violated by not providing your child a safe enviornment. THey are responsible and they can be held liable for it. Don't let any convince you otherwise. You can't force people to put their kids in school and then not take care of them while they are there. And most states have their laws online and you can search and print out the laws concerning schools and show them what they are supposed to do by law. Being fed the wrong food should not happen for any reason. IT's a safety issue and endangerment to a child.
Stacie

I too just wish they would do away with food in the classroom. My son's class often has a spread of food for their geography class. They will be studying about one area of the world and then have a sampling of foods from that area. It's very nice and fun for many of the kids, but awkward for those who can't eat everything. There rarely is anything he can eat at these things. Add in the birthday cupcakes. the holiday parties full of cake and cookies, and it's always something. Of course he has to learn that it's a gluten-filled world and it's not going to change for him, and thats a hard lesson but one he needs to learn. But it's really tempting for him to have a delicious spread of goodies always before him, and makes a hard diet all the harder. Not to mention the crumbs all over the place!

It's not just the celiac child or peanut allergic child either that has a problem with all the food in the classroom, but also the ADHD child who's going to be hyped up the moon after these parties, and the overweight child whose parents are trying to limit the junk. And with teachers who don't understand or don't care, it's really better to do away with all this stuff entirely. When I was in school, we never had food in the classroom. Nobody brought in cupcakes for their birthday. There never were rewards of any kind, you did what you were supposed to do and that was that. Valentines Day meant giving out those little cards. There wasn't any candy or food. Everything doesn't have to revolve around food. When it was your birthday at school, they simply sang Happy Birthday to you. That was it. And it was enough. And it can be enough again!

LOL!! Yes, I felt the same way! It took several hours before I could sit down and write a rational response because I got so angry reading that post.

Worried to Death, I really have to thank you for some of your suggestions. I've had a sit-down with the teacher and principal and at the beginning of the meeting, I stressed that I was not angry or upset with my dd's teacher. But I did feel that there were too many food-based projects going on and it was constantly making my dd very sick. I was told that they would re-evaluate the projects and see what they could do to change some around....as long as the changes didn't affect the education they were offering. Fast-forward a year....the exact same project that made my dd sick for over a week was repeated this year. This year, I pulled her out of school for that one and the teacher is now not speaking to me because of it. So...what's the big project that couldn't be revised and was so essential to their "educational" program? Building log cabins with pretzels. Very important stuff. Can't possibly change those pretzels to popsicle sticks, or real twigs from trees. Nope. Had to be pretzels. Never mind that 2 other students in our class also are either allergic/intolernat to wheat. Next time, I WILL be taking in another adult (witness) with me when I have one of these meetings with a principal and teacher. As nice (and thorough) as I tried to be in addressing things last year....it got me next to nowhere this year. They didn't change a thing.



I'm also of the belief that schools should take care of the children they are being paid to take care of. In all honesty, the school should send out parent surveys. The fact of the matter is that ultimately the parents are PAYING for schools to be in operation. I've heard teachers complain countless times about how "clueless" parents are. Well how can parents be anything but clueless when they are constantly ignored and put in a position of not being made aware or consulted with issues that involve their children in school? It's a no-win situation. And once again, it ignores the concept of community. A community is at its best when its members are actively involved in making it work and grow. I've found that the only time schools want the community involved is when they are trying to pass a levy or when they want parents to participate in fund-raising. Then, they are all over you for your time and participation. I wish that the same attitude held true when it came time to dealing with the students and what their needs are. I suppose that there will be instances where some parents just don't care. But I'm sure there are plenty of parents who do. And that resource should be explored more than it currently is.

I find it unfortunate that some schools/teachers are so busy policing their students that education falls by the wayside. I think that is a sign of a serious imbalance in how the school and community are working together. And the children suffer for it.

"Well how can parents be anything but clueless when they are constantly ignored and put in a position of not being made aware or consulted with issues that involve their children in school? It's a no-win situation. And once again, it ignores the concept of community. A community is at its best when its members are actively involved in making it work and grow. "


I'm thinking we need a whole new thread! Let's keep in mind that school's vary widely, and some of us are seeing good things, and some of us are seeing bad things. Let's remember that the VAST majority of teachers are very good at their job. Unfortunately, many school boards and state dept. of educations are not good at theirs.

Our district has a wellness policy that prohibits food as rewards, etc. and promotes healthy snacks. Is it a time-consuming effort for our K teachers to cut up bananas for 45 children? You betcha! Did they then ask for parents to come and help? Yup! And did anyone? YES. That's the community you speak of.

I don't believe community is telling professionals how to do their job, when the state, school board, and 21 other parents also want the same input. If, in that cacophany of "advice" you want to be heard, you need to show up prepared to work, without threats (I'll homeschool, I'll tell on you, etc.), and already with a plan that is workable.

Continually poisoning your child is inexcusable. Make sure you date/document each occurence. Clearly you need the weight of a 504 or IEP. And it might be a good idea to research other districts' policies (schools just HATE to be the left-out district!).

Stay calm. Stay in an advocating, but not adversarial, position. 'nuff said

Yes, yes, yes! That is precisely what I am speaking of! And yes, I do think that a major part of the issue is the school board and state dept of education who pass down policy with little regard as to what the teachers, students and parents most need.

As a separate thread, it would be awesome if parents who have had success in dealing with their school system would hand down advice and information to those of us that are encountering problems. What can we do to make the situation better? What's the best avenue of approach? Who do we approach for timely results? What written documentation can be presented and then upheld?



This can be a very fine line to walk in regards to kids with Celiac and food allergies. In this case, a parent must instruct the teacher of what is involved, how to avoid contamination issues and also, I believe that a parent should offer constructive ideas on how to potentially make certain situations safer. It's not enough to complain about a project/situation. Complaining doesn't get a person any closer to a solution that is acceptable to the entire community. I'm not saying that all situations can be resolved easily. But in many cases, they can be...as long as the parties involved listen to each other and work together towards a common goal. Unfortunately, this may involve thinking "outside of the box". And that is proving elusive to many of us.

As for home-schooling as a threat....I've never seen it as such. I haven't threatened the school with pulling my child out and home-schooling. I have seriously been contemplating that route due to the frustration of continually having food safety discussions only to find out that nothing gets changed (beyond them now giving me a week's warning as to when a food-based project will start). It is difficult to determine where and when you can make a difference that is necessary to your child and where you are just beating your head against a wall. I am all for advocacy. But at the same time, it is my child who is paying the price with each and every exposure whilst I try to educate the educators. Just where do you draw the line? Realistically, I wouldn't expect a teacher to get everything right from the get-go on this issue. But I would expect that after one or two incidents and with detailed information/feedback, that this wouldn't continue to happen.




It's funny but I've been asking the teacher about both....and personally, I am specifically interested in a 504. It's been nearly 2 months and the teacher still doesn't have the info for me....which is okay for now as I am working on a written plan for next year with detailed information on dd's specific issues. Conferences are this week, so I expect I'll hear more on this and we'll adjust from there. I don't believe that the teacher is inept. I believe that policies are outdated in regards to a changing need in the student population (food allergies have gone up by 30% this year alone). I really feel for the parents here whose children are continually being poisoned in a direct manner. Most of my issues involve cross-contamination....which is an indirect matter of poisoning. And due to the indirect nature of the problem, it is proving to be a bit more difficult in getting the seriousness of the issue through.

Hugs to your little one.

I am also having problems with the school and my 1st grader. However, she only has the peanut/tree nut allergy. Judging by how badly the school is handling the nut allergy, I can't even imagine how hard it is going to be when my three yr old goes to school. She has Celiacs in addition to multiple food allergies.

I know the sad left out again face very well. It should not be this hard on our kids.

I haven't found a good solution to the problem yet, but I am starting the 504 process. Hopefully that will work better.

Posted by Shayesmom: It's been nearly 2 months and the teacher still doesn't have the info for me...


My son was in special education from the 2nd grade thru 12th grade. I found that a written request got fast action than a verbal one. If you have not already done so, write a letter to the teacher requesting a 504 plan in XX days and copy the school principal and the district office.

Hope all goes well.

Always keep the district office informed. THey often have knowledge of lawsuits and court cases that the local school has no clue about. Many times, DO people will walk in and instruct the school that we can't reveal why but this and this must be done this way from now on with no exceptions. You will be very surprised at the number of cases the DO deals with that remain sealed and confidential to the point that even the prinicpals are left in the dark. So when they see letters about things that pertain to a situation they are working on to resolve, they include that on as well to prevent an additional lawsuit. SOmeone may have all ready busted the DO's chops and you may be able to ride their coat tails so to speak. But the Do often are way ahead on some of these issues. When it comes to safety and health, it is better to have it address at the district level and let them get the local school straight.
Stacie

Yes! Yes! Every district has someone who works on 504s. Find out who yours is. Write one yourself (knowing that it will be "wrong" in many ways, but it's a place to start)and make the appointment with that person. Copy your building principal and the teacher. Again, you are working on a "I just don't know where to start, can you help me, I don't need you to do the work for me" attitude. Troubleshoot the gluten-ing incidents (to the teacher: why do you think this happened? Was it something I didn't do? How can I help you with this? ) You want the school to realize you aren't going to sue them -- but you aren't going away, either.

And when this seems like a ridiculous amount of work (and it is) remember that some new baby with celiac will thank you in 5 years, when s/he isn't the first celiac 504!

Our wellness policy (in one of the largest PA districts) started as a collaboration between the district PTO council (reps from every building PTA/PTO), the health/wellness committee of the school board, and the admins of buildings. It probably took 2 years to get it done, but a good place to start is your school PTO, or PTO council. Bring it up there. Offer to work on a committee to research other district's policies. Write to your superintendant/school board and ask about a new policy. Contact other parents of food-issue children. Contact your local paper and ask if they have someone who covers the board meetings, and then go to one and ask about a new policy and how you would go about getting one that would cover allergies and general health issues.

You sound like a great mom -- hang in there

After the conference today i feel better. We had an hour long conference because of numerous issues with our son.

He has Adhd, had a seizure, at the least gluten allergy, social problems....

Anyways I was asking specific questions and the teacher said she can't disclose the other children's allergies, unless they openly tell the other kids in class. That suprised me.

We have a very good teacher, very lucky. She has friends who are celiacs. So now she's on the same page I have to go educate the prinicple and counselor, not going to be fun.


Schedule a group conference with the teacher and principle and school nurse, etc. Specifically state what you would like implemented, ie 504 plans...if you show the school you did the research and know what services they have to provide they usually snap right into line.

I got most of my info from an adhd book.

Bottom line, you are the best advocate for your child. You know what's best for them! Have a loud strong voice and don't settle for anything less than what you want. You have the right to appeal any decision the school makes.

I am a kindergarten teacher (teaching for 10 years now in a inner city school district) and I am also the mother of a Celiac. I see both sides. But I feel I really have to add that in the 10 years I have been teaching I have been confronted by plenty of parents about things they like or don't like. I have never, ever, felt myself pull away from that persons child as a result of what the parent said. When I walk through those doors those kids become mine and I protect them in the same way I would protect my own. I have a boy this year with severe allergies and we do our best to keep him as safe as possible (I think I have an advantage because of my own son's problems) and not all the other parents have been on board. I just explained to them that I cannot sacrifice a child's health so that your child can eat Nutter Butter Cookies. With that being said, I fully agree that there is far too much food in the classrooms (not in mine, I don't give food rewards) and that in my experience, it is a lack of understanding, and not a lack of caring, that caused some other teachers to overlook the needs and feeling of our children with special food needss.

Nicole

If your daughter couldn't eat her donuts because the rest of the class didn't have them... then they shouldn't have been able to eat them because she didn't have them... end of story! If her teacher had let her eat them the day before I wouldn't have as much of an issue with it but this seems like a double standard.

It isn't just a double standard. It shows a glaring insensitivity towards the student as well as her mother. It obviously never crossed the teacher's mind that the student would ONCE AGAIN feel isolated, left out and ignored. And it also never crossed the teacher's mind that this child's mother has gone above and beyond for her daughter. And through that insensitivity, she dealt the mom a "slap" in the face by basically showing that her dd's emotional, mental and physical health doesn't weigh as much as those of the other students.

Personally, I would love to challenge any teacher to a two week trial of living this lifestyle. Not because I believe it is overly difficult or something to be pitied. But because I think that it may give them some sort of perspective on just how much most people take for granted in life. It would be a good reality check and give them a finer appreciation for just how wonderful and resilient these kids (and their parents) are.

I think this is a great way to make all the kids healthier and happier. They don't need all that sugar anyway.




Is this a public school with a USDA lunch program? If so, you might want to educate them on the government regulations regarding school lunch programs. They are violating the The Rehabilitation Act of 1973 which says, in part:



source: http://www.fns.usda.gov/cnd/Guidance/speci...etary_needs.pdf

We have a gluten-free lunch provided by the school district for my son. It takes some extra coordination on our part, but it is working well. If our schol district can do it, so can yours.



These two statements have made me so peeved I have waited 4 days to be calm enough to respond to this thread. I am not typing what I really want to say, because it would not be productive. Parents don't expect that there will be no issues. They do, however, have a right to expect that they will work together with the teacher as part of the team educating the celiac child. If someone is not keeping up with their end of things, be it the parent or the teacher, it should be brought up and resolved.



Teachers don't always know the law on this matter. If you put your request in writing and submit it to the right people, they must set up a meeting with you within 60 days. It's the law. We submitted our request via email to the district special ed director, principal and teacher. You would be surprised how quickly things get resolved when it is done that way. Reference the IDEA law, and they have to evaluate the request within the timeline.

I read this post several times over a few days before I responded. I'm trying to stay cool, but this honestly has me disgusted! First of all, isn't this a board for parents of kids and babies with celiac??? If you're a teacher, with no children with celiac, go find other people to listen to your unsympathetic bull! If you have a celiac child? I feel sorry for that child, with such an insensitive parent!

I agree with some other posters that yes, there SHOULD be satisfaction surveys for parents! We all pay tremendous amounts of money in taxes to schools, and this is the return??? Any wonder why so many of us choose to home school??? You couldn't pay me enough to deal with a teacher like you! You're supposed to put the best interests of the children first, and you are FAR from doing that! To give my children food that would make them sick, when you KNOW it will make them sick? Is nothing short of abuse! As a parent of 4 celiac children (and a celiac myself), this post is absolutely appalling! I can't say how thankful I am that I had already been home schooling for 2 1/2 years before we found out about the celiac! One more reason to NEVER trust my children to a public educator (or most private ones either)!!! Please do us all a favor and leave your insensitive comments and lousy ability to take care of children elsewhere!

I think my reply is being taken out of context.

It was a PARENT who brought those donuts to that kindergarten class. It is very often PARENTS who bring snacks to school. Another kid brought cupcakes TODAY, oddly enough.

And it's the PTA Parents who use PTA funds to buy crackers and juice to hand out before testing, because they are concerned for students who come to school without eating breakfast. I do not think they have bad intentions.

By the way, I read this post because I'm interested in a parent's perspective. My point is that, there are parents who bring donuts and demand birthday parties with cake, and others who demand there be a rule against it, so everyone cannot have it "their way".

And, based on this reply, this is NOT a parent of a celiac, and needs to find another place to vent her frustration with whatever she is dealing with in school! This board is for PARENTS of children with celiac, not a teacher that is frustrated over something at school!!!



Homeschooling mother of 4 children with celiac, diagnosed just over a month ago
Also a celiac myself, husband also a celiac
Gluten free for 6 weeks now and doing MUCH better!

What I have asked of my son's teacher is to send a note home asking that no parent bring in food without advanced notice. This way I get a chance to get anything in the house I may need. I also stick to that rule with my students. Our principal has very strong feelings on birthday cakes in school. She says, and I quote, "this is not Chucky Cheese people" . If they don't ask me first, and if it something inappropriate, then it is not coming in.

AMEN!

Brendygirl, I agree that some of your post may have been taken out of context. But I would urge you to re-read them and perhaps you will see why the first one ignited such a firestorm of criticism among the parents here. Your messages are contradictory in nature. You essentially blame the original poster for "reacting instead of responding" (when the OP went above and beyond to provide her daughter with an acceptable food substitute for her child...on the day it was asked to be there, in total compliance with the teacher's request. How things went down from there had nothing to do with the OP). You then state that you urge parents to vent to their spouse, friends or this board before going off on the school staff. And that is what the OP did...yet you patronized her and then made a flippant comment about the schools not being Burger King "where you can have it your way. You then posted that bringing these issues up to administrators does not help in any way except to make the administrator more sympathetic towards the teacher...which also implied that parents of children with special needs are just a hysterical, unrealistic bunch that are usually ignored.

Your second post is basically a rant about how PARENTS are the cause of all of these problems (emphasis yours). In fact, it even would seem that the PARENTS even make you treat their children differently as you state, "I've noticed that when a parent has been angry toward me, I subconsciously pull away from that student. I try to smile and nod, and to avoid the parent, and in doing so, I tend to have less contact with that child. Not purposely, it's a natural response".

You offered no constructive or positive information to help the OP find a way to deal with this. Instead, you decided to slam a few more doors in her face. And I find it discouraging that you aren't more proactive in your own class in establishing a safer atmosphere and actively seeking policy changes to make schools a safer and more productive place for everyone. You deserve a safe, uncontaminated place to work as well! And that is worth turning over a few old stones to get policy revised. You may be surprised that the parents of your students actually would care enough about you to forego the gluteny treats that they usually send.

Nic is absolutely correct. Schools are not Chucky Cheese nor are they party centers. Schools were set up to educate the young people of the community so they could better themselves and better their future position in life. That is what our tax dollars are supposed to be paying for. Cupcakes and donuts have nothing to do with that. It would be in the best interest of the children if the parties were kept to a minimum and were left as the extracurricular activities they are supposed to be (or let the kids have cake at lunch time).

I do realize that teachers do not make policy and that there is always someone who will complain. But ultimately, your role in the school is as an educator. And schools are supposed to be promoting learning. If a parent wants to have a birthday party, they should have one at home or host one at the local party center. If they need to have a teacher hand out cupcakes, they should pay extra for your catering services at the party center. And I would also charge them extra for handling hazardous waste!

Schools owe the students a higher degree of care than a fast food restaurant does because they have total physical care, custody and control (custodial responsibility) of those children for several hours a day.
The school system has a duty to the parents (and children) due to the fact that they are acting as the "parents" for the day.
A duty requires a responsibility on the part of the school, which trickles down to the teacher's level. This is a higher degree of responsibility than even a Burger King. Remember, Burger King isn't mandatory: school is.
A higher degree of responsibility results in a response which should be greater care - above ordinary care should be exerted. Otherwise, the school can be held liable for almost anything.

As a educator, other than teaching, your duty is to mitigate loss against the school system, especially in today's litigious trends.
If a teacher is unwilling to step up to the plate to cover this "custodial" responsibility, the teacher should not be a grade school teacher.

When glibly comparing a classroom to a Burger King experience, it is not taking the situation seriously enough. Teachers should want and expect feedback from the parents, and vice versa. You are a team with the parent/teacher : not adversaries

I have been in the company of parents whose children do not have celiac or food allergies and they don't "get it" - so perhaps it would behoove the school system to have a presentation to the parents (during Open House perhaps) using a buffet table as a visual example of what cross contamination is, using foods that are known allergens and summing it up as to why certain foods in the classroom are dangerous and why there are rules about foods at parties, etc. Perhaps if the other parents also understand why the parameters are needed, there will be more cooperation and common ground.

As to satisifaction surveys, I am sure teachers get reviewed by their supervisors on an annual basis and it should include imput from parents through satisfaction surveys - otherwise how else will the Administration know if that teaching is missing the boat on something? A Satisfaction Survey is a neutral method - if I were a teacher I'd prefer the survey over a parent marching into the Principal's office or the Board of Ed with a full blown complaint. A Satisfaction Survey would head off problems before they blow out of proportion.

Just remember this board is for Celiac, DH, gluten intolerant or anyone needing information. We do not tell anyone to stay out of different topic areas (I don't think it is a good idea to chat with the teens though.) You don't have to agree with every one or any one post.

If parents are banding together to "fix" the broken public education thes are areas that need to be addressed...
Teacher tenure, I think that is a joke.
Give families vouchers for your taxes, pick your school or homeschoolers get their materials paid for, but bottom line schools have to compete and earn the money.
No child left behind needs to be completely rewritten, it is loopholed garbage.

You are right to be annoyed about the situation I think. She should have been able to eat her donuts with the teacher knowing that she has allergies.

I live in Austrlalia and in our school of 290 students we have 10 nut allergy kids and 4 celiac kids. Nuts and nut products are banned in our school and most in schools that have children with nut allergies. My daughter doesn't miss out because if someone brings in something for a birthday that she can't have I provide the teacher with a container with sweets so she doesn't miss out. As she has become older I find that less children bring in treats for birthdays than when she was in the younger grades so it is not really an issue. They are also told not to share food.

When it comes to my classroom I do have a choice as to whether food treats need to be involved or not. For birthdays, my students can bring in a non-food treat to give to their friends if the parents choose to do so. Simple enough to do-pencils, stickers, etc. I had a parent send in food once, and I sent it back home.
I have found several ways to make projects fun and creative without food. There is no reason to use food. This year we even stopped having snack at school and the kids have been fine. I have 1 student who has a yogurt during class because she is hypoglycemic. My parents with kids who have allergies have been very appreciative, and those without are understanding. As long as you explain your expectations cleary at the begin of the year to the parents, they are fine. Of course I do have a better understanding of how difficult things can be, I myself and both my girls are gluten intolerant. All I know is that not having food in the classroom has made my life as a teacher much easier and the kids haven't missed it one bit.

As both a mom and a teacher I will echo what someone else has already said....You are your child's best advocate. Always stand up for your child. Just remember that parents and schools need to be a partnership to work best.