You know you're a Celiac IF ……..


Your bread looks like a moon rock and tastes like dried out ............ PLAY DOH!

You have written .. "Contaminated" .. on jars of peanut butter and mayo.

You call a dream about eating pizza and chocolate cake ............. “A NIGHTMARE”

You eat ......Before.... you go out to eat.

You think the words ... "Are you sure it’s not all in your head”... are grounds for murder.
(Especially when they come from your Doctor!)

You can’t remember .....'what crackers are supposed to taste like'.

You compare all of your food to ...."normal-people-food."

You know that Xantham Gum is ... NOT for chewing.

You know that Spelt is a distant cousin of Wheat, but Buckwheat Is not related to Wheat at all.

The builders working on the house next door can EASILY substitute your bread for one of their bricks.

You actually KNOW what an anti-TTG and an IGA blood test are.

You can find "Hidden Gluten" in food labels in the blink of an eye,
and your family couldn't find it even if they had

A MAGNIFYING GLASS, DICTIONARY, and PH.D.

You've had to give a Doctor a crash course in Celiac Disease.

A 5 Course Meal is a 1 Course Meal for you ….. Lettuce.

You've installed floor-to-ceiling bookcases in your bathroom.

It takes you 4 hours to do your grocery shopping and .......... YOUR EYESIGHT IS RUINED.

You Hyper-Ventilate when passing by the bakery counter.

You've ever deliberately rammed your trolley into a Shredded Wheat display ..... in a fit of rage.

You've ever had to take out a 'Loan' to pay the grocery bill.

Your financial portfolio consists of stock in .............. Two Major Toilet Paper Companies.

You are up late at night trying to develop a recipe for pizza without
Flour, Cheese, Yeast, Tomatoes, Garlic and Oegano.

You can spell Transglutaminase and Dermatitis Herpetiformis.

You just discovered how to make flour out of……… TURNIPS.

Having a Solid Poop!.... is the highlight of your day.

You've mastered saying "I actually enjoy MY food" without your face…....... ‘Twitching'

You see someone buying rice flour and you just have to ask them ........... if they are gluten intolerant too!

All your ‘Favourite’ sites are .......... celiac related.

You've mastered the art of lying when people ask you ............ “aren’t you hungry”.

You long to look at the contents of other people's fridges and press’s ........ just to see if you can eat anything

You burst into tears of relief at the sight of the words ..... “Gluten Free” .... stamped on the corner of a product.
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Best Regards,
David

Those are good and oh so true.
Thanks for the laugh

How's this:

There are toilet paper rolls in your....... purse, car, luggage, lunchbox, right next to all your different bottles of IMODIUM.

You've figured out a way to incorporate fiber into your HOMEMADE ICE CREAM.

You've actually spent time trying to figure out a recipe request for egg, dairy, soy, vinegar, mustard free MAYONNAISE.

You actually prefer going potty outdoors to using public restrooms, because they're all so GROSS.

One of your (main) considerations for a new job is the POTTY PROXIMITY.

Thank you--these are very funny! (I didn't know other people had wheat-eating nightmares too! I spit it all out and wake up yelling.) I'd add

You know you are a celiac if you make your own cheese (from cashews).

You know you are a celiac if you sometimes shout swear words while grocery shopping.

You know you are a celiac if you've actually called the 1-800 numbers on food packages.

Thank you for the bittersweet laugh. How about ...you eat before or after going to a pot luck or... you take your own cake to a birthday party.

Or how about, You know you have Celiac KIDs when...

... You still carry a diaper bag with wipes and extra clothes, even though your kids are 7 and 5.

... Every so often, there's a bad week, and you have to do a "poop load" of laundry.

... Your small children understand the concept of contamination, and stop other people from contaminating their food.

... Your 5-year-old has a screaming, flailing tantrum, and your response is, "Did your teachers give you Play-Doh yesterday?!"

I love the part about ramming the display with the shopping cart!

More:

-You cannot watch a movie without thinking-- my god! That man just ate a huge bowl full of wheat (spaghetti!) And you marvel that he didn't get sick and can still beat the bad guy.

-You hold your breath when you walk by the bakery section or drive by a wheat field so you don't accidentally breathe any of it it.

-You burst into tears when you realize as you are putting away groceries that you missed the gluten ingredient on the ingredients list of something you were really looking forward to.

-You cannot make yourself walk down the cereal aisle of the grocery store because you hear the music from jaws playing in your head

-You make the waiter tear the label off the bacon/ soup/ dressing/ whatever and pronounce it okay, only to get sick from cc anyway

-You have the pharmacist getting out a magnifying glass to try to see if you can take the medicine the doctor ordered.

-You know where every restroom is in the mall, in town, on campus, on the road to your parents' house, on the road to the next towns.... you navegate by restrooms!

Thanks guys for posting, I would like to add to it but I am laughing to hard to think.

so funny,

I had bookshelves in my bathroom for years!!!

Also, you know you have celiac if you spend hours contemplating the paint color for your bathroom so it will help ease your naseau and intestional cramps AND because you know you'll be in there alot!

Oh no! I have paint samples spread in my bathroom right this minute!

Have go to Frame these and hang them on the kitchen and bathroom wall~!
Thanks Davey!

You know you have celiac if...

1. You have ever had to make the decision whether to buy a loaf of gluten-free bread for yourself or a roast to feed
your whole family. (After all, they cost about the same)!

2. While leaving a public restroom, you have ever blamed your BM on another woman. (I think it's that lady in the end stall)

3. You walk to the seafood section of the grocery store to let loose a poot. (Who can smell it over the fish?)

I needed this laugh...you guys are great!

hugs. -Julie

1.You know you are a celiac when you are grocery shopping and come across a new gluten free product and you scream "yes"
2. You know you are a celiac when you have to take out a second mortage to pay for a week's worth of gluten free foods.

I have to add:

and if you have called the paint company to see if there is gluten in it.

Been there

Ha! These were great, they made me laugh

My personal Celiac moment:
You know if you're a Celiac if you scream infrustration of seeing 'GUILT-FREE' on food boxes and mistaking it as 'gluten-free'.

I don't like whoever coined that phrase.

....in a moment of desparation and out of sheer hunger, you've ever thoroughly washed and thoroughly dried, with a paper towel, a piece of ham or deli meat before eating it, just in case it might have been cross contaminated.

... On holiday in Italy and you eat at the farmacia while your wife's across the street at the pizza place!

This is my first post and I've only been Gluten free for a few days but this was the laugh that I needed right now. Thank you all!

A.R

he he he I am gonna have to print most of those off and show them to my missus.

Not only is she a Coeliac, she'a also computer-intolerant!

Those are great!!! Thanks for the laugh everyone!!!

You know you're Celiac when you are excited to find another one of "You" (you know that feeling, like you've found a long lost family member of something!!) buying gluten-free stuff at the store... especially when it's something you haven't tried because you can ask them ALL about it!

Davey Boy-- your post was so Funny ! ! ! !

You know you are a celiac---- if when traveling, your husband stops at Burger King and you have to hope for a grocery store near the Interstate where you can rush in and buy an avacado to tide you over til you get home .